Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts
When I advise parents about saying "no," I tell them the same thing I tell adolescents who might be considering some self-destructive act: "You can always do that, so let's try other things first."
- Give a choice and imply consequences: "Gee, I don't think that is a very good decision and I'm pretty sure it might work out poorly for you."
- Suggest an alternative behavior without ordering it: "I think that if I were in your shoes, I would probably change my tone of voice rather than being asked to leave."
- Ask for illumination (without using a witness stand tone of voice): "I've always wondered about what leads kids to be obnoxious. Can you help me understand that?"
- Give a direct question: "How do you think this is going to work out for you?"
Remember, Love and Logic has nothing against telling a kid "no." However, that means the response has not been clearly thought through. If we can say something that gets the kid to make his own decision, we are further ahead.
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