If you're familiar with the Love and Logic approach, then you're familiar with the critical importance and the tremendous power of empathy. As a child I witnessed it transform our family. I watched as my mother and father began to understand the following:
Consequences provided with anger result in resentment.
Consequences preceded by empathy build personal responsibility.
My parents' journey from anger to empathy was not without its occasional potholes, wrong turns, construction zones, and fender benders. It's been the same for me as I continue to learn how to be an effective parent, husband, business manager, and consultant.
The truth be told, we all struggle with this skill in one way or another. That's why it's helpful to use a few little tricks to keep ourselves headed in the right direction:
- Remember that it’s okay to delay consequences.
When you're too angry to think straight or to be empathetic, give yourself a gift by giving yourself some time to calm down, think, and get some help from others.
- Post your "empathetic statement" around the house.
Memorize your empathetic statement by posting it all over the house on little "sticky notes."
- Don't be afraid to take care of yourself by setting and enforcing solid limits.
Many parents have problems with getting angry because they haven't set enough good, solid limits with their children. One of my favorites sounds like, "I do___________ for kids when they are treating me with respect."
- Resist the urge to remind.
The more warnings or reminders we give our kids, the more stressed and frustrated we become. Take care of yourself, and your child, by replacing words with actions.
Thousands of parents worldwide have learned how to replace anger with empathy by studying our CD, Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up. You'll love it, and it's less expensive than therapy.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Dr. Charles Fay
No comments:
Post a Comment